i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
