I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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