Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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