It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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