I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
