Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
