So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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