Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
