I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
