Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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