I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
