He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
