We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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