we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
