areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
