we have officially lost it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
