I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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