You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
