im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
