She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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