five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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