Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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