last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bring money and cleavage
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
