I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
