My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
