I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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