when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
