Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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