he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
not ubering you a puppy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
