Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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