I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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