I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
