Can Purell be used as lube?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
