If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
