is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
