there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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