Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
