Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
