At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
