Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
