I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
