I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
