when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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