What a fucking waste of an outfit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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