I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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