I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
