Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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