Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
