I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she peed on how many people?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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