As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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